essays #1/#2 ver++

1 files changed, 37 insertions, 43 deletions

diff --git a/application/06_tech_essays b/application/06_tech_essays
index 4ce7e7a..99b8c92 100644
--- a/application/06_tech_essays
+++ b/application/06_tech_essays
@@ -7,8 +7,9 @@ Mathematics] specifically at Georgia Tech?
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 "You should check out this website. It's called Project Euler," my
 friend Holden told me almost seven years ago.
-Project Euler is a list of math puzzles that require a computer to
-solve, and I fell in love with the problem-solution paradigm.
+I fell in love with Project Euler, a list of math puzzles that generally
+require a computer to solve because of the new (to me) problem-solution
+paradigm.
 Project Euler's "challenges" require experimentation, careful critical
 thought and develop general and domain understanding.
 I have worked with much more complex systems than the mini-problems
@@ -18,18 +19,19 @@ I want to major in Computer Science and Mathematics at Georgia Tech
 because both subjects deal in this sort of problem, and I want to
 continue innovating and exploring in this analytical paradigm.
 
+>> de-emphasize "through tech's dual enrollment program"
 Through Tech's Dual Enrollment program, I've been fortunate to take
 classes from some great professors at Tech, especially in math.
 In my second year of Dual Enrollment, my teacher Dr. Mayer organized a
-class conference to help develop our sense of how combinatorics fits
-into the wider world.
-As he walked around the room, he was genuinely interested in each and
-every project's presentation of a unique problem space.
+class conference to help develop our focused combinatorics knowledge.
+The project and the conference let me dig deeper into a topic which I'm
+still very interested in---how cryptography works.
+The effort Tech professors give is very supportive.
 
-I've also been part of a small number groupchats run by Tech students
-for specific classes or for this year's online-only situation, and I
-have seen one of the most supportive and honorable student groups I
-could envision.
+I've also been part of a few groupchats run by Tech students for
+specific classes and for this year's online-only situation, and I have
+seen one of the most supportive and honorable student groups I could
+envision.
 The math class-specific groups I'm a member of is extremely deliberate
 about not sharing answers but still enthusiastically share hints about
 the fundamental course material.
@@ -38,13 +40,6 @@ display of the overwhelmingly supportive and positive Tech community.
 I sincerely hope I can continue to participate in this welcoming
 institutional culture, especially through the in-person activities like
 the student-run hackathons.
->> The hackathons are a footnote. Is that okay?
-
->> pfft these aren't unique to Tech, good professors and good students?
->> I mean, this is entirely true, but do I need to mention the
->> institutional stuff like competitions, hackathons, etc, or would that
->> come off as insincere?
->> probably include, but there's no room (289 words)
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 All applicants must choose one of the two questions below:
@@ -73,31 +68,30 @@ distributed, and run however the user chooses.
 The catalogue of open source programs is fortunately long, but there is
 still much work to be done.
 
-I've contributed lightly to software freedom by using it, participating
-in the community, and writing some free software.
-But my current favorite project is OpenStreetMap (OSM)---a freely
-licensed, globally editable map made up of trees, farms, streets, paths,
-buildings, businesses, and everything else that fits in an objective
-map.
-I recently started contributing to OpenStreetMap and using OSM-based
-maps, which are startlingly deficient compared to commercial maps like
-Here or Google Maps.
-My area, Fulton county, actually has very good data compared to the US
-overall---it has decent buildings, addresses, streets.
-But it doesn't have businesses listed, forcing my community to rely on
-manipulative, closed data sources like Yelp or Google---whom have abused
-their influence to extort businesses and manipulate customers.
-And in less privileged areas, cartographic data is scarce and groups
-like the Humanitarian OSM team can have concrete impacts on communities
-around the globe.
+I've contributed to free software code by using (as exclusively as
+possible) free software, participating in and contributing to forums,
+mailing lists, wikis, and writing small freely licensed components.
+But software freedom isn't all about the code.
+My current favorite project is OpenStreetMap (OSM)---a freely licensed,
+globally editable cartographic database marking up trees, farms,
+streets, paths, buildings, businesses, and everything in between that
+can fit in an objective map.
+Two years ago, I used Google Maps and Yelp, two leading proprietary
+services for geographic information and business listing.
+I even contributed reviews to Yelp and answered questions for Google
+Maps.
+But then I learned about free software and began using it, entrenching
+myself in its ethos and valuing privacy and accessibility more.
+Both Yelp and Google Maps have shady and abusive agreements with
+businesses, advertisers, and recently Grubhub and similar companies.
+I realized I wanted to use a free map, so I switched to an OSM-based map
+client but realized that the data in my area is thin.
 
-There are pragmatic benefits like being entirely independent of the data
-owner: it's generically searchable, available to governments for
-disaster response or public information, allows for more private use and
-more innovation and supports egalitarianism.
-Like Wikipedia opening up encyclopedic information to everyone, the
-"democratization" of geographic data improves widespread groups'
-condition, and I want to help, by contributing my effort to making
-people more free.
->> make the Wikipedia bit bigger
+So I began contributing to the data source because I believe in its
+mission to make maps available to everyone.
+OSM "democratizes" map data in the same way Wikipedia opened up
+encyclopedic information, and because of the tangible value these
+projects create, I want to continue helping with both of these
+philanthropic projects and enhance my ability to contribute to projects
+like these.
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