revised the script

1 files changed, 17 insertions, 19 deletions

diff --git a/markley/03_first_week_video b/markley/03_first_week_video
index 3afe089..8fa5b9c 100644
--- a/markley/03_first_week_video
+++ b/markley/03_first_week_video
@@ -30,24 +30,22 @@ My Presentation
 ----------
 
 Hi, I'm Holden Rohrer.
-I'm a Dual Enrollment student at Tech from Centennial High School in
-Roswell, Georgia.
-I'm looking forward to taking Dr Markley's English 1102 with a focus on
-the development of Medicine and Medical Instrumentation.
+I'm a Dual Enrollment student at Georgia Tech from Centennial High
+School in Roswell, Georgia.
+This year, I'm looking forward to taking Dr Markley's English 1102
+focused on Medicine and Medical Instrumentation.
 
-In this course, I expect to use each of the WOVEN methods, and I believe
-that my least developed skillset will be visual communication.
-While I can develop my ideas thoroughly in longer form written or oral
-communication, I rarely approach with conciseness as a primary goal.
-This harms my visual communication most because images, videos, or
-design restrict the total information that can be conveyed at the risk
-it becomes textual [image], and it often requires equal or greater
-design effort than developing ideas themselves.
-Since this work often appears tangential, I typically limit effort here,
-which results in presentation-worthy but boring black-and-white or
-white-and-black imagery.
+I expect to utilise each of the WOVEN methods, but I believe I will
+struggle most with visual communication.
+While I can develop my ideas exhaustively in long form written or oral
+communication, I often have trouble compressing ideas.
+This is clearest in visual communication most because images' or videos'
+visual design permit little explicit information.
+This type of quality is also less tangible, so I've been guilty of
+ignoring it, deferring to content instead.
+This results in presentationworthy but boring templated or
+black-and-white visuals.
 
-This year, I hope to use the visual flexibility of the Wordpress reading
-journal's basic design and the visual content of individual posts to
-improve my design eye by deliberately focusing on how it appears at
-first glance.
+This year, I plan to deliberately focus on the visual flexibility of the
+Wordpress reading journal's design and content to improve my sense for
+how readers view it, at first glance and while using it.